You too can become a legalist!

Have you always wanted to become a legalist but wondered how to go about it? Now diaphero unveils a simple 6 step formula which guarantees you success. Just faithfully follow each of the six steps listed below, and soon your Christianity will dry up, turning you into a lifeless judgemental hypocrite. Read carefully!

Note: each principle is illustrated by a practical case study. Feel free to use this great idea to get started in your own life and church!

1) Apply a principle of scripture for yourself in a practical new way that you find to be spiritually helpful.

" The Bible teaches I should be reverent. I think I might bow down on my knees on the floor to pray today. "

2) Tell others about your new practice and the blessing it has been to you. Encourage them to practice it too, and benefit from its blessings

" I have found it such a blessing to get down on my knees while praying. I feel so much more in an attitude of worship and humility when I do it. You people should try it in your prayer times too! "

3) As your followers begin to enjoy the new practice you have introduced, assure them that it is not just an optional practice for obedience; it is essential if one is to truly obedient.

" What? Did I see you praying standing up in church this morning? How dare you! That is the height of irreverance and disrespect. Don't you know that truly reverent Christians only get down on their knees to pray? If you were speaking to the King of Japan, you would bow before him wouldn't you? Well, why aren't you bowing before the King of Kings ???? "

4) Find a scripture that will support the practice. Don't worry too much about scriptural accuracy- remember the Bible is all for maintaining high standards!

" Why I can find no scripture anywhere in the whole of the Bible that ever mentions a man praying while he is standing up. Nor can I find any scripture anywhere in the whole of the Bible where it mentions anyone praying sitting down on their bottoms! Don't you think that is significant?? Everything in the Bible has a significance! Furthermore, if we even needed any more proof, Paul says in Ephesians 3 that he bows his knees to the Father in Heaven! It is absolutely clear that the only scriptural and truly reverent way to pray is on our knees. "

5) Whenever you talk or think about other groups of Christians, always remember that they are deficient in not carrying out your special form of Christian obedience. Never fellowship too closely with Christians like that in case they introduce you to other bad habits.

" Well, yes, there may be some Christians among them, but it is a pity that they do so many unscriptural practices. I mean, they even stand while they pray! See if you can bring any of them along to one of our meetings. "

6) Now why not devote some time trying to think up how you can mislead some of the younger Christians who don't know any better, and turn them into legalists too? Devise some new ways of inflicting this rule upon your fellow-Christians even more stringently. Start back at step 1 and keep cycling through the previous 5 steps, until all your fellow Christians have become spiritually lifeless and proud, obsessed with irrelevant externals, and harshly judgemental towards all other Christians but their own little clique.

For example,

* you could now suggest that one knee is not enough, both knees must be on the ground to be truly reverent since Paul uses the word in the plural in Eph 3.

* Try to stipulate what is the correct usage of the hands during prayer, what tone of voice is acceptable, what angle should the head be bowed at.

* Start learning to pray in Greek and suggest that is a superior way to pray since the New Testament was written in Greek (or Latin sounds rather holy too).

 

If you have successfully carried out all of the above (to the very letter!), you can now call yourself a legalist! Hope you don't enjoy it!

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